I do not like that stalker man: a Seussian take on horrible love interests in literature

(With my sincerest apologies to Dr Seuss)

Stalker man
Stalker man
Stalker man

That stalker man
That stalker man
I do not like
that stalker man!

Do you like
That stalker man?
That stalker man!

I do not like
that stalker man.

Do you like
his possessive plan?

I do not like it,
stalker man!
I do not like
a jealous man.

Would you like him
a billionaire?

I would not like him
a billionaire.
I would not like him
in Voltaire!
I do not like
these scheming plans
I do not like a
stalker man.

Would you like him
say, in Faust?
might you forgive
an attic spouse?

I do not like him,
not in Faust.
And I would not forgive
an attic spouse.
I do not like him
in Jane Eyre.
I do not like him
anywhere.
I do not like this business plan.
I do not like that stalker man!

Would you take his
place in stocks?
Would you dash
yourself on rocks?

Not in the stocks.
Not on the rocks.
Not with a spouse.
Not with that louse.
I would not like him in Flaubert.
I would not want him in Hertfordshire.
I would not want a jealous man.
I do not like that stalker man.

Would you? Could you?
With a vampire?
Or crazy! Crazy
Blanche du Bois?

I would not,
could not,
be Blanche du Bois.

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
by decree?

I could not like them by decree.
I would not, could not by decree.
Not with a vampire! Or Stan Kowalsky!

I do not want to be in stocks.
I do not want to leap off rocks.
I do not like them with a spouse.
I do not like them, not that louse.
I do not like them in Jane Eyre.
I do not like them in Flaubert.
I do not want an abusive fan.
I do not like you, stalker man.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you
under a train?

Not under a train! Not by decree!
Not by far! Man! Let me be!
I do not want to be in stocks.
I do not want to leap off rocks.
I do not like them with a spouse.
I do not like them, not that louse.
I do not like these chill affairs.
I do not like their gloomy airs.
I do not want an abusive fan.
I do not like you, stalker man.

Say!
Middlemarch?
Hey, what of Middlemarch!
Would you, could you, in Middlemarch?

I would not, could not,
in Middlemarch.

Would you, could you,
if you were plain?

I would not, could not, if I were plain.
Im not in the dark: I have a brain.
Not on a heath, Not on a cliff.
I do not like them, man, you see.
Not in a classic. Not in YA.
Not in a romance. Not in any way.
I will not follow them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like
a stalker man?

I do not
like a stalker man.

Could you, would you,
if promised devotion?

I would not,
could not
bugger devotion!

How would you, how could you,
ignore his emotions?

I could not, would not, bow to devotion.
I will not, will not, hear such a notion.
I will not say theyre not a bane
I will not let them have their reign.
Not with that bark! Not with that glee!
Not with a tsar! You let me be!
I do not like this misogynist pox.
I do not like these tough-guy jocks.
I will not have them in my house.
I will not consider them but a louse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
a stalker man!

I do not like a
stalker man.

You do not like them.
So you say
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Man!
Even if you wont let me be,
I will not try them.
You will see.

I value my safety.
My integrity.

My answer is NO.

So, stalker man,
please let me be.